Hismones 04/02/25

F-A-T-I-G-U-E, find out what it means to me.... Today I completed treatment 30 of 44, with the continuing hope of finishing radiation April 22. So far, so tired. The legendary Green Bay Packers coach, Vince Lombardi, said it this way: "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." I'm not sleeping very well (which means that unfortunately Tammy isn't either), making bathroom trips four times during 10 P.M.-5 A.M. Most mornings are the best part of the day, with treatment followed by daily exercise, but my energy is basically gone from noon through the rest of the day/evening. Two Saturdays ago, I was so weak that Tammy kindly said,"If you need to go off treatment, it's okay." But we both know the outcome without treatment wouldn't be optimal. Yesterday morning, though, wasn't going well and I was tearing up during my weekly doctor appointment. He adjusted my medication to try improving my sleep pattern, so we'll try that this week with perhaps some sort of sleep aid to use if that's not enough. I'm writing this late afternoon, so I've been on the verge of sleep awhile on the couch and now amazed by God's new green growth while sitting on the patio outside, but also having to wipe away tears. I'm confident that God is not putting me through this as some sort of test or punishment but rather that he will bring me through this. Maybe I will be able to encourage others along the way or beyond. I'm mostly sad that Tammy is having to go through my daily treatmehts, mood swings, hot flashes, interrupted sleep, wobbly walking, lack of energy, and tears. But I don't want to think what this would be like without her. She commented around the time we married (almost 31 years ago) that she believed God was calling her alongside to fight for me, and she is doing so heroically. The oncologist says that I should be passing through the worst part of the fatigue at this point, but my reading and viewing indicate that relief will take some time. Perhaps by June I will be dealing with "just" the lack of testosterone. I did get two rose bushes planted and our clothes dryer repaired this week, so there's that. Baby steps, as Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray said.